Category: Family

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Love One Another

In some ways, this is a continuation of the last post (Being a Better CHRISTian) and in some ways, these thoughts stand alone.  This is real life and sometimes that doesn’t make for perfect blog formats.

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It was three boys under the age of ten, at grandma’s, in the early 90s. There were shrill screams of young boys and the bang-thump-bang of a tussle reverberating across the house.  “Love. One. Anudder!” followed by the pitter-patter of toddler feet running back-and-forth on the floor of the pier and beam home.

The fighting was my older brothers.

I, a softie now for decades, was yelling “Love one another!” in the way only a four year old could.

I fondly remembered this (or at least the retelling of it through the years) as I found myself reading 1 John 3 this week.

John starts this chapter by appreciating what a special opportunity we have to be considered God’s children. Truly something I think we forget to be thankful for sometimes. How blessed we are to have a loving father who knows us and loves us better than anyone else could.

But then, John gets to the meat of the message and reminds us how important our actions are:

“7 Dear children, do not let anyone lead you astray. The one who does what is right is righteous, just as he is righteous. 8 The one who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work. 9 No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God. 10 This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not God’s child, nor is anyone who does not love their brother and sister.” (1 John 3:7-10)

IF we are to fulfill our calling to follow Christ, our actions WILL show it.  You CAN’T be a Friday night hellion and a Sunday Christian – that, I think we can all identify with pretty easily. 

It gets a little hairier (for me at least) when we actually apply this message to our WHOLE lives. Where we shop, what we buy, what we watch, how we treat each other, and how we treat those that believe differently are all instances were maybe we could use a little more intentionality in choosing to live our beliefs.

Last week I mentioned how we should be cognizant of how and where we spend our time and money.  Our daily life should speak our values in a non-verbal fashion. This is true, but let’s dive deeper into our actions concerning one another.

John wrote:

“15 Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him. 16 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. 17 If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? 18 Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” (1 John 15-18)

Ouch! It is so easy to become jaded to the poor and the begging.  How many times have we heard stories of panhandlers who refuse a burger or drive away from a day of begging in a benz? There ARE people who abuse the system, but that is not our concern!  We, as Christians, have been charged with helping the widows and orphans. We have been charged with having pity on the less fortunate. MOST IMPORTANTLY we have been charged to take ACTION to show love.

The Message version puts verse 18 a little differently: 

“My dear children, let’s not just talk about love; let’s practice real love.”

So, that’s where I am this week.  I am remembering toddler Josh’s advice to “Love one anudder!” and remembering to put it to practice.

Lindsey and I are on a journey to foster through CPS as a show of love. We feel that is our calling, our opportunity to love as God loves us. This week though, we are gonna bring eggs to a couple neighbors that we haven’t been doing a great job of loving thus far. I hope ya’ll reach out to friends or family and show God’s love through action too!

Josh

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What the Kon Mari!? I’m Nesting!

All of my closets have been Kon Mari’d.

The garage has been organized.

The cabinets are baby (and Lindsey) proofed.

Extra locks have been installed.

I’m the queen of freezer casseroles this week. 

The nursery is set up and ready for our Little.

…and I feel like I’m just getting started. 

In these last few weeks, I have found myself possessed by an overwhelming desire to – dare I say it?- nest! I had long thought that nesting was an instinct reserved for expectant mothers with all the prenatal hormones I’ve only heard about..but here I am FULL BLOWN focused on organizing our sock drawers, Pinteresting, planning, and prepping for a Little that won’t even share my DNA. I guess I hadn’t even been able to articulate the urge I had been feeling until I heard it come from Josh himself a few weeks ago…and even then I laughed it off. How could I be nesting? Is that even a THING for someone in my position? Turns out – it just might be!

Decades of scientific research has given most of us a firm understanding that nesting in an instinctual, hereditary response to hormonal fluctuations during pregnancy. Typically, nesting is at its peak toward the end of pregnancy and can manifest in some pretty off-the-wall practices. It’s a primal instinct, undeniably, but it turns out that there’s a pretty good explanation for why those of us who aren’t preparing for biological children may feel the same urge and obsession to prepare for our impending arrivals.

While I obviously haven’t ever experienced the nesting instinct within the context of pregnancy- I have found a great deal of other Foster/Adoptive moms-to-be online who HAVE had the same experiences during pregnancies and find themselves feeling the desire to nest in the waiting period before welcoming a new placement.

Why is this? Instinct, yo!

Maybe not biological…but definitely a God-given instinct cultivated from a place of emotional maturity and a willingness to nurture a broken heart. 


Despite the absence of pregnancy hormones, I am going to become a Mommy. Any day now. This Little will be just as loved, cherished, and valued as any child carrying our DNA. This isn’t a ‘practice child’ or a stepping stone into ‘biological parenthood’. We are opening our hearts in hopes of creating a forever family…and in that right, the hormones and emotions are definitely flowing! I’m working to prepare my home and my heart for our Little…and for that reason ALONE, I feel that the instinct to prepare, plan, and create a safe environment for our Little is both fully justifiable and also absolutely REAL! Nesting? Yea, I’m sure it sounds silly to some…but it’s just as real as the call to Motherhood that I’ve accepted. It may not compare on a biological or molecular level…but it’s a God-given drive that can’t be argued with.

Conversely, studies have also shown that the actions associated with nesting (ritualized cleaning, hyper-organization, etc) are also things that we experience in other seasons of life when coping with anxiety, stress, or life changes. Individuals also display similar actions when dealing with tremendous loss, grief, fear, etc. There are also lots of interesting studies and articles out there on what is referred to as ‘un-nesting’ when Empty Nesters enter into the season of newly rediscovered  ‘freedom’ following their children leaving home…because when things change, WE GET WEIRD and start looking to bring order and clarity through elements that we CAN control. 

Nesting, even from a biological standpoint, is a way for us to take control and create comfort out of uncertainty. As creatures of habit, changes in our environments trigger emotional and physiological responses that help us cope with shifts in our ‘normal’ lives. In her book, Success Equations: A Path To Living an Emotionally Wealthy Life,  Sherrie Campbell, Ph D., stated that “Transitions in our environment can be good for the soul—they make us excited to come home and revel in our cozy, new space”. Nesting- simply put- helps us feel that we are creating a controlled, safe space in which to navigate the craziness ahead. 

I may not know where my Little will come from…but I know that they will have a safe bed when they arrive.

 

I may not know how long it’s been since they had a fully belly and a clean pair of pajamas…but they’ll never have to worry about it again as long as they are in my care.

I may not know the chaos left…but I know the peace that will surround them within our walls. 

So- organize your sock drawer, Foster Mama! 

Color coordinate your scarves!

Vacuum and re-vacuum until your little corazón is content.

Stay up all night long researching the best methods for folding crib sheets.

You. Do. You.

Nest away! 

It’s real … and it’s just as real and raw as the love that’s burning in your heart for the Little you’ll be holding in my your arms any day now. 

In the end, no amount of well-intentioned cleaning and organization will adequately prepare me for all the shenanigans ahead. I’m sure I’ll be frazzled and unsure of myself…and will probably find myself laughing at my efforts when my tornado of a toddler undoes all my hard work in mere minutes…BUT I’m excited. Every folded sock and frozen casserole is a labor of love that I am both honored and humbled to store up for the adventure ahead.


Lindsey

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Growing Our Family

Dear Family & Friends:

There are many ways to start a family. @jautery  and I are overjoyed to announce that we have decided to grow our family through FOSTER CARE + ADOPTION!

 

As with any child, we are not guaranteed a specific amount of time together. We may or may not have the opportunity to adopt our first placement. Ultimately, the goal of foster care is to provide a child with a safe, loving home while working toward a stable outcome… and we feel called to fill that role. No matter what, just like any child, our love for him/her is growing in hearts. This will make him/her our REAL, chosen, and oh-so-loved child that we would do anything for. Our call could come any day now- day or night- that our baby is coming to us! 

 

Foster care is complicated; each child’s situation and story is unique. There will be many things that we will be unable to share with you in order to protect the safety and privacy of our child and their biological family while they remain in care. We won’t be able to tell you their name or show photos where you can see their face, but we will do our best to share what we can and feel is appropriate and being you along on our journey.

 

As Believers, we have been adopted by a Heavenly Father. It is HIS love that has planted this desire in our hearts and we feel called to step into the role of parents for this purpose. 

 

We know this isn’t going to be easy and it will require a level of vulnerability and trust that we have never known. We are grateful for your kindness and willingness to educate yourselves about foster care as we embark on this journey. You can read more about our journey on our blog (see link in bio). We are more than happy to answer your questions and share in our joy in this new season! 

 

Lindsey & Josh

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Fostering: We Are Officially Licensed!

On June 25, 2019 we received word from our FAD (Foster & Adoptive Home Development) worker that we have been officially approved by the state of Texas as Foster and prospective Adoptive Parents through the Department of Family and Protective Services! What initially came as a congratulatory text was quickly followed with a question that sent my little heart into paralysis- “Do you guys want to begin to accept placement now or wait until you return from your (upcoming) trip?”. 

Now? Like NOW? N-O-W?

You see- the entire licensing process has been a series of checklists, miles of red tape, weeks of classes and trainings, deep and extensive interviews with various workers and organizations, background checks, doctor visits, etc. In fact, we initially began this process six months ago when we sat down with a recruiter for a preliminary screening. We were told to approach things with a ‘Hurry up and WAIT’ mentality, so I just assumed that the final approval phase would unfold in similar fashion. We would have a few weeks to ‘nest’ still, add the finishing touches on our gender neutral nursery (Challenges on THAT topic coming up soon!), and then enjoy a leisurely vacation to celebrate the culmination of all of our efforts before launching into parenthood. In fact, our application had only been submitted 3 hours before and- yet- all of a sudden I found myself reading these life-changing texts while sitting in my friend’s living room floor…my heart and thoughts racing as my husband I shared our stunned excitement over the phone. 

Before you can really process this, you must understand that I have always felt that adoption was a calling placed upon my life by the Lord. It hasn’t been a sentiment that many have understood much less identified with, but I always felt that to ignore the drawing that I felt would be a grievance that I could not justify in my spirit. While I have always dreamed of international adoption, I became increasingly aware of the atrocities and injustices that children are facing within our own communities while working for CPS as a conservatorship worker. Did you know that recent data estimates that there are approximately 400,000 children in foster care in the United States on any given day?! I knew that I HAD to become part of the solution. 

When you are passionate about something so challenging and difficult, it will definitely help cull out people in your life that aren’t in alignment with God’s plan. Before marrying my husband, I had discussed my dream of being an adoptive parent with other potential suitors only to quickly realize that they didn’t have the capacity to love a child that was not biologically their own. From that first conversation about it, Josh was immediately on board and I knew that he would be an incredible father someday. While I still hope to make a little human with our hazel eyes and my curls, I have never doubted Josh’s ability to be an incredible foster parent. Josh’s own stepfather is his inspiration for wanting to be the difference-maker in the life of a child in need…children that may not have his DNA but will undoubtedly benefit from his Godly leadership, consistency, and immeasurable love. On top of all of that, he’s by far the most logical and mindful person I know! Me on the other hand? I am already worrying about our hypothetical future babies going to college on their own…

So, here I am on the brink of such an exciting season of promise and what I consider to be obedience to a call I’ve felt over my life for over a decade now, feeling such anxiety and self-doubt. Isn’t that just like the enemy? Ugh.

Not only has the STATE decided that I will be a good mother to a child in need…but GOD has decided that I’m ready for this! Furthermore, the ease and speed at which our application was approved is uncommon…a reality that I must attribute to nothing short of divine favor.  So…with all of this knowledge at hand, what do I have to fear? God’s plan has been set in motion…and man has confirmed it!

YET. I’m human and I’m scared….

…that I’ll get ‘too attached’ and be heartbroken.

…that it’ll be too hard balancing being a good wife and my responsibilities at home/church/work to be GOOD at any of them.

…that I’m not ready.

I’m not the only first-time mother (foster, biological, or adoptive) to have felt this way…and I’m surely not going to be the last. I’m sure there will be sleepless nights, calls to friends/family members for advice, tears of both joy and exasperation, and countless inquiries to Google ahead…but of this I’m sure: It is our heart’s desire to love whatever child God is preparing us for to the best of our ability…and HE has confidence in US!

So what does all of this look like from here on out? 
We could get a call at any time- day or night- with the news that a child needs us. While the CPS has approved us to foster/adopt any child from 0-8 years age, we are giving priority to a child in the 0-2 range and have our nursery, stroller, and infant carrier ready for action. As with any child in foster care, there will be many limitations to what we are able to share with you once our child comes to live with us. Many things will have to be kept private in order to maintain confidentiality and protection for our little one and their biological family, including their name or pictures where you can see their face. However, we will do our best to share with you as much as we feel that we are able and willing as things unfold.

We don’t know how long a child will be in our care. We may just be a temporary safe haven until their parents or other family members are able to care for them OR we could be their forever home- only time will tell. Our love for our coming child is growing in our hearts and spirits, just as it would for a biological child. This will make any child in our care our REAL, chosen, beloved son or daughter.


What can YOU do? Pray, ya’ll!

While WE are excited to become parents, we realize that entering into foster care will most likely be a challenging chapter of our coming child’s little life. Furthermore, children in foster care are removed for proven abuse or neglect…which means that the child that we are going to bring into our lives may currently be going through unspeakable pain and injustice right now. Bind with us to cover this child in prayer for their safety and for strength, peace, and comfort as they make the adjustment into our home. Pray for wisdom as we navigate first-time parenthood. We don’t need horror stories about terrible experiences or cautionary tales- We’ll take encouragement, prayer, and ALL the coffee. Please!

We are currently brainstorming a new hashtag to use when documenting our parenting/foster care adventures on social media!
Leave your vote in the comments:

#WelcomeToFosterhood

#FosterhoodFiles

#AuteryPartyof?

Lindsey

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Welcome to the Homestead

I’m Lindsey- Wife to Josh, Foster Mom-in-the-Making, Fur-Parent to a very needy 12 year old toy poodle named Tyson, School Counselor, and Mother Hen to a host of chickens and ducks.

Our piece of paradise- Whatsoever Homestead- is situated on two acres in Southeast Texas. My crazy good lookin’ husband and I are launching into this exciting, educational, and slightly terrifying homestead journey with great expectations! We are honored to share our experiences with you and hope you’ll stick around to watch us grow. While we don’t have a huge amount of land (yet), we firmly believe in making the most of what we have by working within nature’s intended design in creating our own sustainable little slice of heaven. The current residents of the homestead include 1 Handsome Josh, 1 Lindsey, 1 Tyson (poodle child), 28 laying hens, 1 very chill Rogelio the Rooster, 3 Pants (Khaki Campbell ducks), and 2 Tucks (Welch Harlequin ducks).

Josh and I both work demanding full-time jobs with opposing schedules at times, so I am equal parts terrified and excited to see how good of a farm girl I really am on days when I’m called upon to manage things on my own! I always grew up helping my dad process meat, but working with so many living animals is FAR beyond my comfort zone. I don’t exaggerate when I tell you that I chased down and caught a runaway chicken in a giant fishing net the other day. It’s going to get entertaining around here- so you should definitely stick around for all this!

We look forward to sharing our experiences homesteading, foster-parenting, and homemaking! I’m thankful that you’ve stopped by and hope that you’ll subscribe for upcoming posts and adventures. Our intention is not to assert ourselves as an authority on matters but rather to generate genuine discussions about the things that we are passionate about and cultivate a deeper understanding and respect for the lifestyle we are embracing for our family.

We hope that you stick around and grow with us! We have so many exciting projects ahead that we look forward to sharing with you and helping you find ways to make the life that YOU want a reality!

Our hands (and hearts) are full and we couldn’t be any more excited about all that is ahead! i can’t imagine a happier, healthier, or more responsible way to live our lives and raise a family!

Welcome to the Homestead!