All of my closets have been Kon Mari’d.
The garage has been organized.
The cabinets are baby (and Lindsey) proofed.
Extra locks have been installed.
I’m the queen of freezer casseroles this week.
The nursery is set up and ready for our Little.
…and I feel like I’m just getting started.
In these last few weeks, I have found myself possessed by an overwhelming desire to – dare I say it?- nest! I had long thought that nesting was an instinct reserved for expectant mothers with all the prenatal hormones I’ve only heard about..but here I am FULL BLOWN focused on organizing our sock drawers, Pinteresting, planning, and prepping for a Little that won’t even share my DNA. I guess I hadn’t even been able to articulate the urge I had been feeling until I heard it come from Josh himself a few weeks ago…and even then I laughed it off. How could I be nesting? Is that even a THING for someone in my position? Turns out – it just might be!
Decades of scientific research has given most of us a firm understanding that nesting in an instinctual, hereditary response to hormonal fluctuations during pregnancy. Typically, nesting is at its peak toward the end of pregnancy and can manifest in some pretty off-the-wall practices. It’s a primal instinct, undeniably, but it turns out that there’s a pretty good explanation for why those of us who aren’t preparing for biological children may feel the same urge and obsession to prepare for our impending arrivals.
While I obviously haven’t ever experienced the nesting instinct within the context of pregnancy- I have found a great deal of other Foster/Adoptive moms-to-be online who HAVE had the same experiences during pregnancies and find themselves feeling the desire to nest in the waiting period before welcoming a new placement.
Why is this? Instinct, yo!
Maybe not biological…but definitely a God-given instinct cultivated from a place of emotional maturity and a willingness to nurture a broken heart.
Despite the absence of pregnancy hormones, I am going to become a Mommy. Any day now. This Little will be just as loved, cherished, and valued as any child carrying our DNA. This isn’t a ‘practice child’ or a stepping stone into ‘biological parenthood’. We are opening our hearts in hopes of creating a forever family…and in that right, the hormones and emotions are definitely flowing! I’m working to prepare my home and my heart for our Little…and for that reason ALONE, I feel that the instinct to prepare, plan, and create a safe environment for our Little is both fully justifiable and also absolutely REAL! Nesting? Yea, I’m sure it sounds silly to some…but it’s just as real as the call to Motherhood that I’ve accepted. It may not compare on a biological or molecular level…but it’s a God-given drive that can’t be argued with.
Conversely, studies have also shown that the actions associated with nesting (ritualized cleaning, hyper-organization, etc) are also things that we experience in other seasons of life when coping with anxiety, stress, or life changes. Individuals also display similar actions when dealing with tremendous loss, grief, fear, etc. There are also lots of interesting studies and articles out there on what is referred to as ‘un-nesting’ when Empty Nesters enter into the season of newly rediscovered ‘freedom’ following their children leaving home…because when things change, WE GET WEIRD and start looking to bring order and clarity through elements that we CAN control.
Nesting, even from a biological standpoint, is a way for us to take control and create comfort out of uncertainty. As creatures of habit, changes in our environments trigger emotional and physiological responses that help us cope with shifts in our ‘normal’ lives. In her book, Success Equations: A Path To Living an Emotionally Wealthy Life, Sherrie Campbell, Ph D., stated that “Transitions in our environment can be good for the soul—they make us excited to come home and revel in our cozy, new space”. Nesting- simply put- helps us feel that we are creating a controlled, safe space in which to navigate the craziness ahead.
I may not know where my Little will come from…but I know that they will have a safe bed when they arrive.
I may not know how long it’s been since they had a fully belly and a clean pair of pajamas…but they’ll never have to worry about it again as long as they are in my care.
I may not know the chaos left…but I know the peace that will surround them within our walls.
So- organize your sock drawer, Foster Mama!
Color coordinate your scarves!
Vacuum and re-vacuum until your little corazón is content.
Stay up all night long researching the best methods for folding crib sheets.
You. Do. You.
Nest away!
It’s real … and it’s just as real and raw as the love that’s burning in your heart for the Little you’ll be holding in my your arms any day now.
In the end, no amount of well-intentioned cleaning and organization will adequately prepare me for all the shenanigans ahead. I’m sure I’ll be frazzled and unsure of myself…and will probably find myself laughing at my efforts when my tornado of a toddler undoes all my hard work in mere minutes…BUT I’m excited. Every folded sock and frozen casserole is a labor of love that I am both honored and humbled to store up for the adventure ahead.
Lindsey